here is some very important information. I have made a significant error in judgment and you should avoid making the same error. I suspect, however, that unless you are illiterate or a medically certified dumbass, this warning is unnecessary. As I mentioned previously, oxycodone turned my digestive tract into Fort Knox. A la Auric Goldfinger of James Bond fame, I knew it would take a scheme and a half to solve this quandary. Through various means, I obtained the following: Miralax, Dulcolax, and Ex-Lax chocolate squares. Let the record show that I lack familiarity with modern laxatives-- though ancient remedies such as batwing and wormsroot are old hat to me. I took the requisite capful of miralax and waited for...two hours. Never mind that the bottle said wait 6-12 hours. No, fuck that. My innards demand relief NOW. Down goes a Dulcolax. Wait an hour. Down goes one of those surprisingly good Ex-Lax chocolates. Damn that was good. I want another one. Mmm that's good. Chocolatey. Wait. Oh no. Fuck.
-8 hours pass-
I spent the next day in the bathoom. I couldn't even get that mad at myself, just sort of laughing at my idiocy and impatience. A single one of those laxatives would have been FINE. Shit happens, I guess. In this case, it happens because I made it happen. In spades. One thing I've learned about myself in this experience...I can tolerate a considerable amount of discomfort, more than the average person, I guess. It's not because I'm especially tough or mentally strong, I think I'm just too lazy to care that much and I become resigned to situations very quickly. No fight in me whatsoever!
Two final nuggets of wisdom: 1. The youtube video playlist "Harmonies in my head" is straight up crack. So much good music by bands I didn't really know before. Check it out.
2. I just channelflipped onto ScyFy and caught the last 3 minutes of a Highlander ep from the early 90s. If you have any idea what I'm talking about, you'll probably smile to know that within 15 seconds of me turning the program on, the Highlander was engaged in an epic sword battle with another Highlander atop the Eiffel Tower in the midst of a lightning storm. Amazing.
Out like the gout.
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